Designed for Life

Each one of us is conceived through the intimate contact of a man and a woman, who usually continue to raise us under their own unique integration of parenting. Although the state attempts to take on more of the parenting role in the 21st century, most of us are still nurtured and developed through complex interactions with the man who is our father, and the woman who is our mother.

Apparently through the biological auspices of our parents, we inherit a Motivated Abilities Pattern (MAP) of giftedness which is uniquely designed and emerges as our distinct personality. Regardless of uncertainty about the actual mechanics of that endowment, we know that living compatible with one's MAP is the only way a person can experience a productive and personally meaningful life.

Our uniqueness as individuals is revealed as we interact with the environment in and around home and take what we need from it to increasingly express who we are. For most us, the power and shape of our distinct pattern is only dimly understood. A seemingly automatic pilot resident in our soul expresses our design as it determines how we function in daily life, unaware that we are following a pattern of behavior. Even under the modulating influence of maturity and the forces of family and social conformity, we remain ourselves. We simply find more creative ways to get what we want and need in the process of interacting with others.

We make decisions about what to say to other family members and how to work and play based upon the Motivated Abilities Pattern (MAP) with which we were designed. Our Pattern of thinking, feeling and behavior links the really satisfying experiences and we seek to stay as close as we can to what gives us joy and pleasure. Those experiences often, but not always, involve family. Dad looks for every opportunity for family games and outings. Mom likes to disappear into her craft room where she can put out finished products for Christmas and birthdays.
We gravitate toward attractive qualities of family members and circumstances which allow us to think, speak and act according to our MAP. Son wants to go fishing and hunting with his uncle as often as possible. Daughter enjoys raising issues and debating her positions with anyone who will take her on, but especially with her Dad.
We learn to avoid family members and circumstances which frustrate the free exercise of our MAP. Dad wants to make sure everyone is safe and disciplined and polite and using time wisely. Daughter follows Mom's lead in avoiding Dad's controls.
Under the compulsion of motivation we find ways to do what we want even when it is against the rules, unnecessary, or inappropriate. At some point we usually get into trouble with other family members. Son loves thrills and tends to break the speed limit, even when he's driving the family car to the grocery store. Mom wants to help at the church all the time . Dad has been kicked off of E-Bay for the last time for negotiating after the bidding is closed down.
We also get into trouble avoiding decisions, words and actions that will take time and energy away from or generally frustrate the practice of our MAP. Dad keeps getting angry e-mails from students who want their grades corrected.
Relational problems and family dynamics tend to make each of us more creative, resourceful and subtle in finding ways to practice our MAP. We find our niche or discover new ways to adjust the environment, the culture and the world around us. The family gets faceted and complex. Nurturing and frustration, role-modeling and repulsion, yearning and escape all figure into the mix as we build our distinct family experience on the foundation of our MAP. At some point most of us move out. We run out of ways to keep mom from controlling our life. Since she was 6, Dad has resisted daughter's dream of an acting career in the big city, once too often.
Our usefulness and value to others depends on how well we fit the demands of the roles we try to fill. Dad couldn't wait to retire, but spent his last years wishing he had made some different choices earlier. Mom taught school until she had a stroke in her mid 80's.
When misfit is enforced there will be a cost, proportionate to the degree of misfit. We can see this reality modeled in the way individual motivations, actions and attitudes influence the whole family. The culture of the family and its impact on society is formed through overlapping, conflicting and collaborating designs. The only thing Dad liked about work was having beers with his co-workers. He seemed to live for sports and parties at the club. His drinking became a kind of self medication because he hated his work so much. Mom divorced him because he became abusive. Dad was drunk and fell asleep at the wheel when he ran over a seven year old girl who was riding her bike on the sidewalk.
When the collective consciousness of our MAPs is raised in a family, each member is encouraged to be more proactive in supporting, educating and enjoying one another. Parents find new ways to prepare their children to engage their callings in the world of work. Children learn more about their path of individuation and how to better negotiate, compromise and collaborate, given the MAPs of their parents and siblings.

Whether you fill the role of mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, child, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or cousin or some combination, learning about each one's MAP help's to make the life of the family a positive force for good. There are powerful reasons for becoming acquainted with the MAPs of separate family members as well as your own.

Being involved in a process of identifying patterns of giftedness behind a family member's passion….. for selling, investing, building, landscaping, history, fishing, hunting, gardening, running, sewing, dancing, painting, singing, acting, collecting, decorating, cooking, parenting, traveling, talking, fixing, questioning, criticizing, judging, managing, preaching, partying, writing, sculpting, mastering an instrument (the list of motivated behaviors is very, very long)……… you will be encouraged to pursue your own course of self discovery.

Is It Worth It?

To answer that question, remember how pivotal, formative and foundational and potentially damaging the family is in most of our lives. Now, review the CONTINUING benefits to parents, children and extended family members using the data achieved through the SIMA® process. You would know…….

How to make decisions (or help your loved ones) to build a coping strategy for getting the most out of high school, to decide on college (or not), to select a major and a career direction, to seek and find the right job, and to settle into a life-time calling.
How to track down and resolve problems affecting each member's life.
How to manage each Member to realize and build on the best each has to give.
Reasons for behavior which is less than or different from what is wanted.
How to resolve conflicts and complaints between Members.
How to distribute future work to match with strengths available.
Whether the family can continue to deliver what is needed given current problems and likely future difficulties in fulfilling Member expectations.
Regarding other members, how to get a better hold on when to back off; when to engage; when to disengage; when to run for dear life.
How to recover a relationship grown stormy.
How compulsions and fears are rooted in the MAP; yours and others.
About fascinating affinities with certain members.

Interested? Consider THE EFFECTIVE FAMILY program for you and yours.

Step One

EXPLORE the motivational make-up of family members using our System for Identifying Motivated Abilities (SIMA®).

Each Member writes about enjoyable experiences.
Our SIMA Coach conducts an achievement interview with each one
Members who don't write attend a special SIMA interview process.
Our Coach develops a MAP for each Member--turnaround 2 weeks.
The Coach reviews the MAP report with each member.
The Coach and each Member present their findings to the whole family exploring strengths and weaknesses.

Step Two

ANALYZE family dynamics.

The Coach develops a family Map by putting the separate member MAPs together into a single group profile for reference in subsequent discussions.
In a whole family session, the Coach elicits response from each Member about the nature of the family's work as a whole.
The family defines competencies needed to achieve family tasks and goals including home school and family business.
The Coach conducts an interview of separate family Members, eliciting questions and expectations about each Member's role given each Member's MAP and the culture of the family.

Step Three

DISCUSS - Based on Steps One and Two, the Coach conducts a discussion to

Examine the presence or absence of strengths necessary to accomplish the work of the family.
Explore the best role for each member.
With each separate Member, the Coach reviews the Family MAP, its job and career implications, performance and fit issues, reasons for complaints and conflicts, recommendations for improvement.
With Parents, the Coach reviews the Family Map Profile and responds to questions raised concerning children.
With the Family together, the Counselor facilitates a "team work" discussion to surface mutual needs and interdependence, resolve conflicts, and maximize strengths.

Step Four

EMPOWER -The Coach helps to enable Members to continuously improve choosing from among the following strategies:

The involvement of individuals outside the Family.
Redistribution of duties to better match strengths with chores and responsibilities.
Define how to build action plans with each person to solve current problems in light of education, work or career development outside the family.
Encourage use of teaming to cover voids and weaknesses.
Position strengths where and when needed.
Find new ways to add value by using strengths available.

Benefits Time Table

In summary, the benefits to each participating member include a clearer understanding of giftedness, impact on attitude toward self and others, education, maturity, spiritual formation, development of specific areas of skill and mastery, foundation-building for future calling and career. Worked-out knowledge of Patterns enables each family member to make sense out of life, to follow one's own star, to be more understanding of others, and to stay close to God.

The Time Table and Steps should be negotiated and tailored to fit the schedules of the client family. The many variables of each family situation require a period of careful planning. The approximate times required in the Explore, Analyze, Discuss and Empower steps above would be 8-12 hours for a family of four. Because of the uniqueness of each family, the amount of time and costs will be discussed in advance. For further information contact:

Art Miller III artpmi@gmail.com
People Management International Ltd.
206 Lexington Avenue
Wilmore,Ky 40390

The Effective Family